The Bachelor: Australia’s verdict on Sam Wood

The Bachelor: Episode one recap

On Wednesday night, Ten’s new season of The Bachelor debuted. They say there’s nothing more important than a first impression, and so Ten’s executives will have been holding their breath to see how the new face of love was received by the viewing public.

Luckily, Australia loves the new Bache, and have immediately forgotten the old (evil) Bache. Long live new Bache.

The new Bache’s name is Sam, but he prefers Woody. Like the Toy Story character.

Australia loves his low, low shirt showing off his enormous chest (and almost his nipples). Sam has an abnormally ginormous mouth just fyi #TheBachelorAU— Nat (@kahlarsee) July 29, 2015Sam + cute lab = I think I just got PREGNANT #thebachelorAU— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) July 29, 2015

Now, to meet the women who will fight it out to the death for his love.

Our first contestant is… well, Sam/Woody is not sure of her name, and neither are the viewers. Say what ? Szajana?? Svagina? PARMIGIANA! #TheBachelorAU— Ian Williams (@Dropbear67) July 29, 2015

Also she’s not white so Bache makes sure to call her “exotic”.

Her actual name is Snezana, which I know because I looked it up. Here she is.

Our next contestant is quickly christened “Anal glands”, after she tells Bache about… well, we’re not really sure what that was all about. But anyway, Sam/Woody does not seem keen. Neither do the viewers: How to make a good first impression: talk anal glands #TheBachelorAU— Dylan Matthews (@DylanMatthews91) July 29, 2015#TheBachelorAU … After hearing the dog arse story … pic.twitter杭州夜网m/dam6FYfu21— Steve (@eighteighty8) July 29, 2015

Next up is Heather, who does not talk about anal glands. Woody and Australia instantly warm to her relative normalcy. Heather is my favourite, easy!! #TheBachelorAU— Sam Frost (@Sam_Frost) July 29, 2015

#TheBachelorau Jacinta is trying to flog the Sam butt pic to the other ladies. She’s a good little earner.— Gidgit VonLaRue (@GidgitVonLaRue) July 29, 2015

This #TheBachelorAU is average. We need Australia’s bachelor: Shane Keith Warne. “Will you accept this dart?” “I will.” “Cheers love.”— Conor Ryan (@conorVryan) July 29, 2015

After an ad break, we meet Madeline, who is *on point* beautiful, and gives Bache some food which he puts in his mouth. Omg dis cup cake girl yes #TheBachelorAU— CHELSEA (@princessyesthx) July 29, 2015

Here is a beautiful photo of her which to be honest does not do her justice.

Sandra is a PE Teacher, which means she teaches kids how to run or some nonsense. She gives Bache a big fist bump and then is straight into the cham-pag-ne. Is Sandra already drunk? #TheBachelorAU— Melissa (@holybatgirl) July 29, 2015Who honestly wears white on a first date? Like come on #TheBachelorAU— Regan Adam (@RMCdigi) July 29, 2015

Although yeah judging by the music Ten cut in behind her she’s pretty much already got this one sewn up. Ok we may have found a winner, lucky last #TheBachelorAU— melbny (@50thand8th) July 29, 2015

Here is beautiful Emily.

And now, wrap your minds around this, reader. This year there are two varieties of rose – red, and a new one, white. Win it, and you get to ask Bache for a date at ‘any time’.

So, Emily and Madeline are our early favourites. But who knows who the Bache and the viewing public will slowly grow to love/hate.

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